am i lucky enough?

Peeps,

Am 12-13 weeks pregnant, still wandering around Empire Shopping Gallery pushing myself as I used to claim this as my dream job. Yes, dream job. What the hell am I thinking?

I've got head-huntered by an agency, to send me over for an interview at KLCC. Same post, same shit but bigger opportunity, bigger company with bigger perks of course. But hey, am I lucky enough? I almost forgot that am married & carrying a child now. Nobody would hire a pregnant lady thus I felt like am such a loser cause if I really get a job there, my whole maternity expenses will be fully-covered. Ah dang!

At the end of the day, job is just a job. Am hesitating to either devote myself to this child in future or fully commit to this-so-called-dream-job, rise & fall again and again. Ugh.

Not all news are bad. I'll get my husband to live with me soon. We are no longer weekends' husband & wife. Thank you God, I am so lucky.

Bitter smile.

Masih optimistik;

2nd day at my new desk;

Around 10.20am, I received sms from fiance's mom, "congratulation & all the best in your new job. semoga diberkati Allah selalu". :) (sesiapa yg mengenali aku & fiance, pasti korang tau betapa msg itu bererti). senyum lagi.

Aku still dlm positive mantra. Sila support aku utk kekal optimistik.

Semalam masa bed talk sama mama, masa aku bercerita ttg tempat kerja baru, mama tak henti2 terkekeh-kekeh. Mama ckp aku mcm culture shock, dari terbiasa bekerja di tempat yg kerah aku sampai kering ke tempat kerja yg 80% staffnya golongan warga matang. Seriously, susah nak nampak orang muda2 sekitar bangunan. Now aku rasa mcm aku rindukan suasana kerja di Astro. Ugh. Tidak.

Tapi, aku still positif. Aku still semangat utk jadi optimistik. Aku akan kerja bersungguh-sungguh. Cewah.

:)

Allah sayangkan aku yg lalai ni;

critical;

1. 2nd september 2008-Corporate Communication & Community Affairs Department of ASTRO
2. anytime - start an internship (again) at LB for I have 0 experience in advertising field & even an internship period at LB would open a huge door towards my future career.

Perlu buat sembahyang istikharah.