shits happened, it's just that i never tweet it;

The moment I decided to leave Bernama for current beloved Empire Shopping Gallery, I was full of determination & passion & was totally looking forward to pour in my heart & soul to the new job. And thus, that was all I did. Months to go for the wedding, I was still crazy over Empire Shopping Gallery. Till one fine night, after my usual weekends' meet up with my then fiance (now hubby) lead to another hang-up with his friend at one of Arabic Restaurant in Damai, I then out of sudden collapsed on the road. Yeah, unconsciously collapse & bang my face on the road. The details are quite too scary to be explain. Am still having a fake rabbit tooth up to today. Eating a crunchy apple would be a problem to me since then. At 1 point I was afraid the fake tooth would come out during labour, but it survive...fuhh...

Then we got married. I would like to pass all the family/preparation/chaos before/during after the ceremonies.

My then step-dad got prostate condition, he missed the reception in Kuantan. Sadly, my mom attended Kuantan's reception with her 2 cousin sisters ONLY. Yes, I would like to pass my family chronic panic relationship also.

Wedding receptions passed, meanwhile, I had to deal with long distance relationship with hubby, weekend husband & wife. Life was horrible. Too many screaming session. Last year (2010) Ramadhan, I got to know that I was pregnant.

I was a happy pregnant lady, hubby finally got permanently transferred to his main office in KL. Alhamdulillah. As am starting to mend my new family life, little I realized, mom was having problem with hers. I would like to pass the details of the problem too, hubby 1st raya with my family was quite sad. Enough said about that.

Early 2011, I was heavily pregnant, of all the dramas, ups & downs, my mom & then stepdad (now no relation at all) finally ended it. Their 17 years old marriage, end. Then mom is alone again, decided to go on with her life taking care of my 18 years old special down's brother (yeah, we have a special boy in our life all these while, we love him so much).

April 2011, I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, Iman Dhani. Unlike any other mother, it was quite difficult for me to cope up at first. Then I realized, am no mommy material but that doesn't mean I cannot try my very best to become one. Bond between a mom & a child grows inevitably incredible. Today, I dare to say, I cannot live without him, my child, my Iman.

Now, Ramadhan is here again, am a different person all over, my mom is a different person all over, our whole life is different all over, but we still survive pass, current & prepared for awaiting shits.

For more shits, till the next entry.

Ramadhan ini;

Saya sedang berjuang.

Untuk teruskan niat suci susukan Iman Dhani.

Ya Allah, permudahkanlah rezeki buat anakku.

perempuan berkorban, lelaki bertahan;

Semalam aku mengomel, perempuan sinonim dgn pengorbanan, ASAL PEREMPUAN PERLU BERKORBAN, terus ada kawan yg mengingatkan, sedangkan LELAKI SELALU BERTAHAN. Fair enough. See? Am quite easy to please lately.

Percaya tak kehidupan sebenar seorang wanita bermula setelah melahirkan? Aku tak pandai nak share isi hati dalam sini sebab asyik baca tulisan orang2 yg power berblogging, buat aku rasa rendah diri nak tulis tentang apa pandangan aku tentang having a baby. Sebab selalunya, pandangan telus aku orang anggap bukan2. Cukuplah aku katakan, nowadays aku boleh duduk depan Iman selama berjam2 just to watch him sleep. Orang kata kasih sayang ibu tiada tandingan, nah sekarang aku dah rasa.

pantang

ada air mata gembira, air mata sedih, air mata stress, air mata tak tau kenapa keluar air mata segala bagai sedang dalam pantang ni. 44 hari rasa lebih lama dari 9 bulan (in my case almost 10 months mengandung). kalau orang minta aku describe perasaan mempunyai anak, mengandung, melahirkan and sekarang melihat anak dpn mata setiap hari, ya ampun, tak dapat aku nak gambarkan dgn perkataan. bahagianya cemana, sengsaranya cemana. bila aku asyik meng-google blog2 org baca pengalaman mereka dulu, tak penah sekali pun terlintas dalam fikiran aku, i would break down & cry di hari aku mula susukan iman.

berpantang sendiri mmg mencabar, mana nk mandi, nak siapkan makanan, nk look after the baby at the same time kusut tgk keadaan rumah yg carca marba. bila nmpk kelibat diri depan cermin, rasa our old-self slowly walk away, kita automatically menjadi org yg baru, seperti kita yg dulu takkan datang datang lagi.

aku rindu aku yg dulu, melihatkan senyum anak dgn mata bulat pandang tepat ke arah aku, ya Allah, hidup aku sekarang tiada lain selain utk dia.

my iman 33 days old

28 april 2011, hadiah dari Allah swt;

IMAN DHANI AHMAD RAZIN

Born at Putra Medical Centre on 28th april 2011, 11.30am, weight 3.7kg