2008 hairdo

hah! jgn korang berani2 nk kata rambut aku serupa rambut vokalis hujan lagi!

layang-layang

Dalam keadaan seorang diri, akal kita pun mula melayang memikirkan segala macam perkara dalam segala mcam bentuk dan segala macam kemungkinan. Perkara2 dlm pelbagai bentuk yg membawa kemungkinan2 itu menghantui waras pemikiran. wajarkah?

And, bila kita berada di tengah2 kelompok manusia, cuba fit ini dan bersosial semampu mungkin tapi ada suara kecil yg berbisik di hujung telinga katakan kita lebih senang sendiri?

Tiada manusia mampu hidup alone. Itu peraturannya, aku kira. Aku, masih keliru tentang kemampuan diri utk tegak seorang tanpa punyai mutual fragment dlm kepala otak ini yg bahawasanya si dia sentiasa ada disebelahku, tak kiralah di sini atau di sana, yg pasti perasaan itu tidak lagi favourable.

Mungkin ini kata2 org yg putus asa. Mungkin juga suara hati manusia yg selalu akan bosan atau bisikan pentingkan diri sendiri utk capai kebahagiaan hakiki duniawi yg pastinya takkan pernah sempurna tanpa kita menundukkan kepala pada yg Satu di atas sana, Dia sentiasa memerhati drama2 kecil kehidupan yg langsung tak penting ini.

p/s: seorang kawan di masukkan ke hospital hari ini. itu bukan drama yg tak penting. harap dia sembuh secepat mungkin.

post-Qurban

Aku tak memasak sebab rumah ini adalah rumah ayah kau. Aku cuma menghidang sebab kamu orang datang tak ubah macam tetamu yg butuhkan layanan 7star hotel. Berbelas tahun aku menilai erti kekeluargaan dlm family kau tu adalah sama ertinya dgn hidangan makanan yg sarat dgn penyediaan yg memenatkan dan juga rasa tensi di dlm hati kita semua bila berada di bwh bumbung rumah No. 1, Lorong Laman 4 ini.

Mama aku bukan ibu kau. Dan ya, aku kalah sebab abah kau aku panggil papa (hanya utk menyenangkan hati mama aku). Abah kau tu antara lelaki terbaik di dunia yg aku pernah kenal kerana dia satu2nya lelaki yg sanggup mengeluarkan kacamata tebalnya utk melihat kertas keputusan CGPA aku. Kau jgn risau, aku takkan rampas dia dari kau. Tolong pinjamkan dia utk buat teman mama aku sementara di dunia ini. Takkan jatuh harta2nya ke tangan kami. Semua itu milik kau orang. Percayalah.

Err... aku tau, aku tau aku kalah lagi sebab aku curi sikit kasih sayang dan perhatiannya buat pemangkin semangat aku utk memuaskan naluri seorang anak perempuan yg terbit sedikit cuma dari hati karat aku ini. Kiranya, aku harus ucap terima kasih? Cis, ego aku tercalar lagi.

19

ada gig di raub, kami naik bas ting-tong sakit punggung+adik pilah suka bermain cagu kaki di dalam bas. adoi.... it was fun. walaupun kami tak dapat payment dari gig yg sungguh rare itu (rare sb azab nk panjat naik hutan) tapi, kami punya experience yg impossible utk dilupakan, seperti;

1. perak (dlm bahasa lain, jakun) mandi sungai je lebih pdhal tujuan dtg utk gig
2. pengalaman bercakap sambil keluar wap/ asap dari mulut tanpa merokok sb suhu air sungai itu agak sejuk
3. kitorang terkejut sb org2 asli hutan raub dtg bwk anak2 mereka tgk kami perform.
4. farina overexcited mosh on stage sampai terpijak effect chavo (langsung guitar tak berbunyi lepas tu) sampai skrg chavo masih marahkan farina sb itu. haha....
5. tido sebilik dgn budak2 bb yg masing2 berperangai tak senonoh, apapun gadis2 semua selamat di bwh jagaan mereka except for andre yg dikurung dlm penjara buatan lelaki2 nakal.
6. baru aku tau budak punk tetap pakai boots & tight jeans mereka walaupun bermandi sungai (refer to Ali yg skrg dh jadi tentera yg segak walaupun tak cukup tinggi)
7. sumpah rambut juad takkan basah & sampai bila pun aku takkan main syampu2 rambut dgn dia di sungai sb mmg tak fun (pasal aku kena ambil masa yg lama utk pastikan rambut die btul2 basah)
8. walaupun penduduk raub agak pelik dgn kami yg nmpk seperti tak berperikebadian mulia (obviously berpakaian tak senonoh, bermohawk merah, biru, hijau & tak menunjukkan contoh yg baik pd anak2 mereka) tapi diorang ni semua baik hati, bagi kitorang rambutan free.

gig di raub tu adalah best gig ever!

21

today's crap

Spending at least 4 hours a day in a library might sound decent enough, but the truth is, I started to feel that I can't find nothing else to do with my life.

Today, I forced my eyes to stay awake so that I could balance my sleeping & day hours proportion.

The fact that am lack of social friends at the college (that doesn't mean that nobody wants to be my friend) is leading my self-centered attitude way too high. This is an awkward declaration; but somehow, I believe am not feeling too lonely yet, but I started to realized that am definitely getting older. I guess, am enough with the-hey-lets-be-friends scheme that we supposed to apply in college's life? Ironically, back then when I was in Uitm, I wasn't intrigued in making hundreds list of friends either.

And btw, I've been reading a book from Deborah Tannen; "Women & Men in Conversation". But it doesn't seem like my intention to overcome the communication's barrier between me & my man really work though the messages/contents that the author sent through the book is clearly understood.

You just don't understand;

We are the subtlest yet deepest source of frustration and puzzlement arising from the different ways people approach the world. We feel we know how the world is, and we look to others to reinforce that conviction. When we see others acting as if the world were an entirely different place from the one we inhabit, we are shaken.

We look to our closest relationship as a source of confirmation & reassurance. When those closest to us respond to events differently than we do, when they say things that we could not imagine saying in the same circumstances, the ground on which we stand seems to tremble & our footing is suddenly unsure.

MUST!

i can't wait for white shoes & the couples co. oh gosh! this is really gonna disturb my sleep for this entire month! oh, am happy!

what we had in 14th floor....

...and am gonna miss the off window view from the room. the windows who always listen to my cries & all those lights and a calm lake on the right side that witnessed my existence at the 14th floor from the ground of the south side of city, seri kembangan. ah shit, am gonna miss this place.

it was never a really comfort zone, but...

....it used to be the place that we found ease in ecstatic meaning. where we learned to get along with different interests & ways of life. where we had house meetings & solving bills' discussions. where we actually built hommies bond unconsciously among each other. but now, we have to say goodbye.